Rockstar Book Review: "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People"

This is part of our Rockstar Book Review series.

"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change" by Stephen R. Covey

Who it’s for: If you're looking for a book that can help you be successful in all aspects of life, both as an individual and as a leader, this is the one.

Readability: MEDIUM. Though the book is over 300 pages long, the author's use of stories (personally recounted and shared by others) both entertains and informs. There are also various tables and diagrams, which makes it easy to retain the information it contains. What I liked about it: With his self-effacing stories, Covey encourages us all to be better people (leaders, family members, partners) and he provides the insights and the tools to do it. The diagrams, appendices, and actionable summaries help us refresh our memories as needed and put his great advice into action. And I had a feeling the following might happen: in attempting to give myself a refresher on The Seven Habits by leafing through the book, I let myself get sucked back into reading the book...for a third time. Why was it so easy? It's the book! It's ALL GOOD! That (repeat) experience reinforced for me why I keep it in my library. I feel the author is genuine in his wish to help us achieve personal fulfillment, with an expectation that it will result in our doing the same for others. What I didn’t like about it: The book is better than I remember—though I'd hardly call me not remembering that a flaw. I believe the root of it is that some of the insights are so logical and self-evident that it can influence our thinking without our realizing its source.

Where to find it:

Amazon @ $10.09 || Free @ the library

“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" is a How-to Guide for Living the Good Life

Every time I revisit this book, I'm reminded of the best leaders I've had the chance to encounter in my lifetime. I'm convinced they all read and applied the lessons it contains. Stephen R. Covey is also a leader I admire, despite only knowing him by reading this book. Benevolent, patient, inquisitive, he only seeks to help others become better versions of themselves. A fine example of magnanimity if there ever was one. This is a book that, if followed even in limited fashion, can be truly transformative. I like to think of it as degrees of increasing commitment, with commitment building one habit at a time, as opposed to an all-or-nothing proposition. That's why I highly recommend it as a long-term resource, especially given it touches on so many aspects of life that it can easily act as a substitute for more extensive reading (for more on this, see book recommendations at the end of this review). The book is both a pleasant and informative read and acts as a valuable ongoing reference for three reasons:

Covey includes well-chosen diagrams and tables for ease of reference, including the second diagram, which he introduces on pg. 53 (see below) and then revisits as he introduces each subsequent habit.
The stories he chose to include are often touching and effective in both illustrating his points and in making the lessons easier to retain.
He presents The Seven Habits as building blocks, as a progressive journey where the successful development of a given Habit acts as a stepping stone that helps us move on to the next.
Covey believes can help any one of us become highly effective in all areas of our lives, which translates into feeling more fulfilled over the long-term. The Seven Habits he suggests we should develop are as follows:

Be proactive
Begin with the end in mind
Put first things first
Think win/win
Seek first to understand, then be understood
Synergize
Sharpen the saw (the importance of renewal)

#1. Be Proactive

Covey stresses that we need to develop our own internal strength and sense of balance before we can be successful in accomplishing anything else for anyone else. He stresses that the best ways to do that are to pay attention to what we value, notice where what we believe we value doesn't align with our behavior, make a decision to change it and follow through on the commitment. In his view, we need to focus on ourselves first because if we can't follow through on commitments to ourselves, we're not likely to follow through and be of true service to others. Finally, focusing on what we can do for ourselves means focusing on things we have total control over, something that is within what he calls our "circle of influence". Indeed, we should only worry about what it is that is within our control because focusing on what is external to this is a waste of time and, worse, can result in a reactive victim mentality that is of no use to anyone. In accomplishing the above, the author stresses the importance of focusing on the change(s) we want most and to pull the trigger when we're fully committed to change. Trying to change too much too soon or changing before we're fully committed are recipes for failure and disappointment, making us less likely to try to change for the better again, at least in the short to medium term.

"Anytime we think the problem is 'out there,' that thought is the problem." (pg. 89, emphasis is the author's)

#2. Begin With the End in Mind

Covey is a big believer in visualization, the idea that if we can picture it, create it in our mind's eye, we're more likely to bring it about in physical form. He stresses the importance of getting clear about what we want and making plans to get it because if we don't guide our own actions and our own lives, our lives will become what others create for us and that result is unlikely to match our aspirations and desires.

"In developing our own self-awareness many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply embedded habits that are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things we really value in life." (pg. 104)

In order to know what we want, we need to increase our awareness of what we want out of life. To accomplish this, the author suggests writing your own personal mission statement to serve as both a reminder, as a guiding "why". He states that when we know our "why," when we know what we deeply value, it makes it easier to deal with change, both planned and unplanned. When we have a solid view of who we are, it greatly increases resilience. We are less likely to attach our sense of self to the external, such as to things, hedonism and other people. A further benefit of understanding and observing ourselves is that it gives us a better appreciation of the incongruence between our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. We become better able to appreciate how easy it is to not "walk the talk" when we're not paying attention to what we really want. And that makes us much better at empathizing with others when they face similar struggles.

#3. Put First Things First

Covey is not a big fan of popular time management techniques. How should we manage our time then? By doing the most important thing(s) first. In his opinion, we tend to think in terms of a weekly calendar, yet current systems have us organize our activities on a daily basis. In his view, managing our lives on a weekly basis provides a better opportunity to ensure that what we value gets the attention it requires in the bigger picture (after all, we don't tend to everything that's important every day). Further, looking at time on a weekly schedule allows us to be more flexible and readjust when "life happens," helping us ensure that what isn't urgent but yet important still gets the time and focus it requires—and according to the author what is not urgent but still important is usually what contributes most to our success in the long run. What might we determine to be important but not urgent? We determine that by identifying what activities will help us fulfill the mission statement we've developed for ourselves (see Habit 2 above).

"What one thing could you do in your personal and professional life that, if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your life?" (pg. 154, emphasis is the author's)

#4. Think Win/Win

The first three Habits set the stage. The first habit to develop as we move from what Covey calls Independence to Interdependence. First, our own behavior toward others established their level of trust in us. Increasing it depends on:

Understanding the individual - others need to see us demonstrate an understanding of what they value (even if it's not something we value ourselves)
Attending to the little things - we can't discount the smallest of gestures because they often matter more than the grand ones
Keeping commitments - we need to do what we say we will do and, if we break a commitment, we should ask for permission to do so whenever possible as opposed to simply renege on it
Clarifying expectations - trust requires clarity and that means dealing with the discomfort of being clear about what we will and will not do up front
Showing personal integrity - this goes beyond honesty into, as the author puts it, being "loyal to those who are not present"
Apologizing sincerely - apologies can be difficult to offer, especially when they are most warranted but that's what makes them so important to building lasting trust

And all of these can also help establish our character when it comes to negotiations. From an early age, we receive many conflicting messages about the art of negotiation. We're told we should maximize our value for money, yet at the same time we're told we should respect others. The author suggests that, more often than not, both parties can have their needs met to their satisfaction. According to Covey, "win/win" and "win/win or no deal" are the only ways to negotiate that are sustainable over the long term, both for individuals and for organizations. How is it possible to get to a win/win outcome to nearly every negotiation? By getting to the root of what each party really wants and that means approaching negotiations with an open mind and with the full intention of getting to the bottom of what each party is after. That's when communication skills come in because nearly everything we do as we navigate our day is a negotiation.

#5. Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood

To be an effective communicator, Covey suggests that we should first do our very best to understand what the other party is after, that is what they really want, not what they say they want. This goes beyond active listening. We need to reflect back what the other party is expressing (emotions), not just their words. We need to put ourselves in their shoes and feel empathy for their situation. Only then can we even start to connect, let alone be helpful. This takes time, but it works and it saves effort over the long run by avoiding misunderstandings and the hurt feelings that come from them (see fourth bullet in Habit 4 above). And echoing what the other party is feeling, experiencing and wanting offers an exciting result: when someone feels heard and understood, they are much more receptive to hearing what you want and need, and more receptive to finding a way to make it happen. How powerful is that!?

#6. Synergize

I hope you can see how The Seven Habits build on each other. By getting real about improving ourselves over time to become our best selves and by having regard for others in enabling them to do the same, everyone can get what they want most over the long term, and more. The "more" is what happens when a group of two or more work together sincerely and openly to come up with more and better alternatives than the parties could have come up with on their own. It's what Covey calls "synergy." To the author, these situations are nothing less than pure magic. They are memorable, energizing, even awe-inspiring in some cases. It's in these moments, which can only happen when we've done the hard work of the other habits, that we experience the ultimate payoff of the investments we've made in ourselves and others.

#7. Sharpen the Saw

The first six Habits represent quite an investment in time and energy. It would be a shame not to protect it. That's where the seventh Habit comes in. Sharpening the saw means taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually:

Physically - if we don't take care of our health and energy levels, we can't hope to be successful over the long term in any of the other areas that matter to us
Mentally - learning about ourselves and about the world keeps us curious, engaged and effective (we should read, visualize, plan and write regularly, all of which helps us stay sharp)
Socially/emotionally - engaging with others keeps us empathetic, connected and can feed our sense of meaning and purpose
Spiritually - clarifying our values, studying ourselves and practicing meditation can help us stay connected to who we are and what we want to become

By focusing on the above, we can ensure we address our needs in these important areas, which are sources of energy that enables us to focus on and do what it is we want most. And that is the key to living a good life.

Bottom Line

Stephen R. Covey's Seven Habits serve as a timeless and powerful guide to becoming better versions of ourselves, a key pursuit in living a fulfilling life.

Where you can find the book: Amazon @ $10.09

"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" is not only a professional development book. It's a personal growth guide that contains powerful ideas that invite further exploration in and of themselves. See below for other books of this type that explore only some of the habits he introduced, and other books still that further explore some of the insights that lead to the development of one or more of the habits. Other suggested books of this type: "The Way We're Working Isn't Working" by Tony Schwartz (Habit 7 fully explored, a very similar model), "Enough" by John C. Bogle (all Habits, at a conceptual level) Other authors referenced and/or quoted more than once that might invite further exploration: Henry David Thoreau and Peter Drucker ***** All book reviews include affiliate links to Amazon.com or other places they’re sold. Thank you to all those who support our site by going through these links!